JOHN LIST - THE 1971 FATHER OF THE YEAR

On November 9, 1971, John List did a terrible thing. He murdered his entire family.  His day started as normal. He had his normal routine: coffee with his wife and seeing his children off to school before heading into work. However, today would be different.

After meticulous planning, he pointed a gun at the back of his wife’s head and with one click he she was dead. He continued his carnage by going into the attic where his 84-year old mother was sleeping. He murdered her by shooting her in the face above her left eye.

When his daughter Patricia and son Frederick came home from school, List hid behind the door. As they walked inside he shot both children execution style. He thought it was ok because they never saw it coming and didn’t suffer.

All that murdering made John hungry. He made a sandwich and drove to the bank to withdraw his money and close all his accounts. He then went to the local high school to watch his only living son's soccer game. When they got home List blindsided his son and shot him in the chest…the boy fought for his life but succumbed to the bullets that ravaged his body.

John List moved the bodies of his wife, daughter and sons into the ballroom and dumped them on top of sleeping bags and covered their faces with a white cloth. He left his mother in the attic to rot. Next he sat down and calmly and wrote a letter to his pastor explaining that he feared his financial struggles would make his family turn away from God. The world was full of poverty and evil. He killed them out of mercy. He slept peacefully in his bed that night.

The next morning he canceled all deliveries and called his children’s schools letting them know their family would be on vacation. He cleverly cut his face out of all the pictures in the house. It would be like chasing a ghost. When he disappeared he left all the lights on and a radio playing religious hymns in the background.

John planned the murders perfectly and month passed before anyone suspected a thing.

JOHN LIST - A BACKGROUND

John List was born on September 17, 1925 in Bay City, Michigan. When he graduated from Bay City Central high school he enlisted in the Army as a laboratory technician during WW2. After his discharge he attended the University of Michigan earning a bachelor's degree in business administration and a master's degree in accounting.

List met a widow named Helen and they were married in 1951. They had 3 children. Patricia, John and Frederick. They were devout members of a Lutheran church where List taught Sunday school.

In 1965, List scored a position as vice president and comptroller at a bank in Jersey City, New Jersey. His family and mother moved into Breeze Knoll, a 19-room Victorian mansion at 431 Hillside Avenue in Westfield, New Jersey. Coincidentally, it was the same town that the Lindbergh baby was kidnapped and murdered in 1932.

By the early 1970's List's American dream was crumbling. He lost his job. For months he pretended to go to work while he looked for other jobs to no avail. He couldn’t bear to tell his family about the loss of his income. He couldn't disappoint his family. He was ashamed of his failures and believed he must kill his entire family in order to "save" them.

NEW PLACE, NEW IDENTITY

List initially fled to Denver, Colorado, landed an accounting job and assumed a new identity calling himself Robert Peter "Bob" Clark. The real Robert Clark was one of his college classmates who later claimed he never knew John List. He met Delores Miller at church and they were married in 1985.

In February 1988, the couple moved to a house in Midlothian, Virginia. List resumed his career as an accountant for a small accounting firm.

AMERICA’S MOST WANTED

In 1989 America’s Most Wanted with John Walsh debuted their first season and showcased the story of John List and his murdered family.

The program had an audience of 22 million people and nine days later John List was apprehended.

List was a fugitive for 17 years, 6 months and 23 days. John thought he would never be caught. They were perfect murders. He didn't leave a trace. He was found guilty by a jury and a judge sentenced him to five life terms. John List died in prison in 2008 at age 82.

WHAT DID THE NEIGHBORS THINK?

The memory of the murders still haunts Westfield residents. In an interview in 2008, parents told a reporter in New Jersey that children will not walk past that property, nor do they even want to live on the same street.




Nine months after the murders the List family home burned down. The cause of the fire was arson but the crime was never solved. A few years later a new home was built in its place.

Currently there is a Netflix series called "The Watcher" which is loosely based on the crimes of John List.

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If you liked this story, you can watch Forensic Files HERE showcasing the List murders.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs_poAjvZ-o

FORGOTTEN SERIAL KILLER - HERB BAUMEISTER

It was a crisp day on July 3, 1996 in Grand Bend, Ontario. He wasn’t going back to Indianapolis. He had to run because everyone knew about his heinous secrets. His family knew. The police knew. His neighbors and business colleagues knew. The public knew. The media knew. Now he was nowhere to be found.

When he arrived at his destination, he sat in his car crying like a coward and wrote a suicide note where he talked about his failed marriage, his business failures and his mental illness. In this letter he never mentioned the men and boys he murdered in cold blood.

He held his .357 magnum and mulled over his plan. His life was over. His wife already filed for divorce and he would never see his kids again. He knew he’d be in prison for life, or worse, the death penalty. He wouldn’t make it in prison for a day, let alone the rest of his life. He had no choice. He took the gun, pressed it against his forehead and pulled the trigger.

HERB BAUMEISTER - INDIANA’S FORGOTTEN SERIAL KILLER

On June 24, 1996, police searched the woods behind the Herb Baumeister's 18 acre estate and his 11,000 square-foot Tudor house. 

They had no idea that they would find more than 5,000 human bones in what one searcher later described as a scene “like a bomb went off in a people factory.” The human remains of 11 people had been burned and buried on their property.

In the fall of 1994, Baumeister’s son Erich brought his mother a human skull. When she asked where he’d found it, he said that he found it in the woods. Erich took her back to where he found the skull.  She found a half-buried pile of bones—enough to make up an entire human skeleton. 

HERB BAUMEISTER - A BACKGROUND

Herb Baumeister was born in April 1947 in Indianapolis, Indiana. As a child he began exhibiting anti-social behavior and was obsessed with death. He gathered road kill, dead animals and birds would take them to school and put them on his teacher's desk. Another shocking moment was when he was caught urinating on his teacher’s desk. He was failing his classes and distracting other students. Something was very wrong. Really wrong. Young Herb was diagnosed with schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder. Despite the severity of his diagnoses, Herb did not receive any treatment.

In 1965 he attended Indiana University for a semester and dropped out. After his father’s angry coaxing, he studied at Butler University in Indianapolis for a year. This is when he met his future wife, Julie Saiter. They were married in November 1971.

After getting married, Baumeister had many jobs. At one point he worked for the Indiana State Bureau of Motor Vehicles and was fired when he urinated on a letter addressed to the Governor of Indiana and on his supervisor’s desk.

In the 1970s, Baumeister was committed to a psychiatric hospital by his father. His wife stated that she was supportive of Baumeister and that he was "hurting and needed help.”

THE 1980s - THE I-70 Strangler

On June 16, 1980, 15 year old Michael Petree was discovered dead and naked in rural Hamilton County, Indiana. Michael had a troubled life. He was reported missing on June 7, 1980, but three days later, he was observed in different parts of the city riding in a stranger's car. His cause of death was established as strangulation. During the autopsy it was noted he had no traces of drugs or alcohol in his body.

IOn July 1982, 23 year-old Maurice Taylor’s lifeless body was found at Weasel Creek in rural Hamilton County outside Atlanta, Indiana. His cause of death was undetermined; however the coroners believed he was strangled. 

Maurice Taylor had a sad and troubled life as well. He was a vagrant who lived in the boiler room of an apartment complex in Indianapolis. Due to his financial difficulties, he offered sex around the gay bars. After his death he was unidentified for 8 months because his mother, who was detained in a mental hospital, was unable to file a missing persons report.


On October 2, 1982, 14 year-old Delvoyd Lee Baker was found dead and semi-nude near a river in Hamilton County, Indiana. Delvoyd was last seen on the evening of October 2, 1982, in downtown Indianapolis, Delvoyd’s parents told police that he was riding his bike in and around downtown Indianapolis and called home at 10:30 p.m. to tell them he would be coming home late because he was going to see a movie. 

Apparently, Delvoyd and a 16-year-old friend had been going to the Indianapolis gay bars for the last three months, and according to his friend, he and Delvoyd prostituted themselves for $20-25 per night. There were several differences in comparison with other victims. Some of the police believed his homicide was not similar because he was the youngest and the only black victim.

On May 28, 1983, 22-year-old Michael Andrew Riley disappeared after leaving the “The Vogue'' nightclub in Indianapolis. He was last seen leaving The Vogue with an unfamiliar man. Riley's nude body was found in a ditch in Hancock County, Indiana on June 5, 1983. The autopsy determined that he had been strangled with a towel or similar fabric.

On May 7, 1985, 17 year-old Eric Allen Roettger vanished and his body was found near a stream in rural Preble County, Ohio. Witnesses claimed that they saw Eric at a bus stop in the early morning and that he accepted a ride from a passing car. When he was found, he had a burn mark on his left shoulder and had been strangled with a rope.

In August, 1986, 29 year-old Michael Allen Glenn’s body was found in a ditch near Eaton, Ohio. He lived in a trailer park on the outskirts of Indianapolis and worked as a handyman. Strangulation marks from a rope were found on his neck. He was identified three years later with the help of fingerprinting.

On October 15, 1987, 21 year-old James Robbins went missing around 10:00 p.m. after leaving his mother's home in Indianapolis. He was last seen walking in a southern direction of Indianapolis. Two days later, his naked corpse was found in a ditch in rural Shelby County, Indiana near I-70 with strangulation marks around his neck.

In May 1989, Jean Paul Talbot was found strangled to death and his body dumped near a stream in Defiance County, Ohio.

In August 1989, 26 year-old Steven Elliot was found dead in rural Preble County, Ohio near I-70 wearing nothing but underwear. He had been strangled with a rope.

During these years Herb and Julie had 3 children and in 1988, he opened his first store called Save-a-lot thift store. It was so successful that he opened a 2nd location. Herb's business required a lot of out-of-town pickups and deliveries. He would drive to Columbus, Ohio regularly traveling on I-70 add to his collection of items for the shop.

THE 1990s

In August 1990, 32 year-old Clay Russell Boatman, a licensed practical nurse, disappeared after leaving his Richmond, Indiana apartment to visit “Our Place”, a local gay bar in Indianapolis. His nude body was later found by a group of children. He had been strangled and dumped in a ditch near Eaton, Ohio.

• Three bodies were discovered in Preble County, Ohio between 1985 and 1989.

• All three men were from the Indianapolis area. 

• All three men had been picked up by a stranger in Columbus, Ohio. 

• A fourth body was pulled from a ditch in a nearby stretch of country road in 1990, once again, strangled and reported missing from the Indianapolis area.

These nine men would eventually be connected to the I-70 strangler, though there may be more.

THE FOX HOLLOW FARM

After the success of his 2 Save-a-Lot businesses in 1991 the Baumeisters moved to a sprawling 18 acres of land with an 11,000 square foot tutor home that he named Fox Hollow Farm. It was a dream come true.

The Baumeisters had serious marital problems. They only had sexual intercourse 6 times in their entire 25 years of marriage. Since they moved to Fox Hollow Herb's behavior had gotten worse. Julie was living in luxury, but was extremely unhappy. Her husband was dealing with a mental illness and other strange behaviors that was unhealthy for her and their children. He was drinking. He started petty arguments with his neighbors. He would be gone for days or weeks without contacting his family.

In the summer, Julie and the children would stay at a lake house owned by Herb Baumeister’s mother. They would stay throughout the summer and Herb drove up to visit them on the weekends when he wasn’t managing the stores.

Little did she know that Herb wasn't going to work. And when he did manage the stores, he never came home from work immediately. He was going to downtown Indianapolis' gay bars and bringing men home with him for sex in his indoor pool.

According to Baumeister’s employees at the Sav-A-Lot stores Herb became careless and neglectful of his duties during this time. They stated that most of the time he didn’t show up for work, and when he did, he was rude and belligerent. Employees quit and the stores began to deteriorate. The business took a turn for the worse.

On October 7, 1991, 42 year-old Otto Gary Becker’s body was found in a ditch in rural Henry County, Indiana. Police located several witnesses who claimed to have seen Becker in a car with two other men on I-70 near Indianapolis. According to them, one of the men was holding Becker down while the other was driving.

A SURVIVOR COMES FORWARD

In 1992, investigators were contacted by a man named Tony Harris claiming that a gay bar patron calling himself "Brian Smart" had killed his friend, Roger Goodlet. “Brian Smart” lured Tony Harris to his house and attempted to kill him with a pool hose during an erotic asphyxiation session.

Tony stated that "Brian Smart" drove him to his estate. He told Tony that it wasn't his house, but that he was staying there doing construction for the owners. Smart showed Tony the pool house. Tony saw numerous mannequins around the pool and immediately felt uncomfortable. Smart offered Tony a drink, which he turned down. He then asked Tony if he had ever engaged in erotic asphyxiation before, and if he would like to try it.

Tony agreed to try it. First Tony choked Smart with a pool hose while Smart masturbated. When Smart had his turn Tony stated that he could feel the hose getting tighter with no sign of stopping. He realized that this man was going to kill him. He pretended to pass out and when Tony opened his eyes, Smart was shocked because he thought he had killed Tony.

At the end of August 1995, Tony saw Brian Smart at a gay bar in downtown Indianapolis. He ran outside and saw the same car he rode in with Smart that previous year. He wrote down his license plate number and investigators traced the license plate, it did not turn up Brian Smart as owner of the vehicle. It was Herb Baumeister.

According to Tony, Baumeister talked about having killed people and was confident he wouldn’t get caught because he had been operating for years without detection.

That same year police confronted Baumeister’s wife to search their property and told her that they suspected that her husband was a murderer. Julie didn’t believe it at first. But then she remembered that skull her son Erich brought her that he found in the woods. Previously, Baumeister had told Julie that the skeleton was a part of an anatomical display his father, a doctor, had kept.

BAUMEISTER'S DESCENT INTO MADNESS

During this time Herb was arrested several times. He was in a hit-and-run accident while drinking and driving. In 1986, he was charged with stealing his friend’s car. He got out of both charges and he never served any time in prison.

Before Julie filed for divorce Herb's drinking problem was out of control. He was drinking morning, noon and night. He was intoxicated at work and his employees were quitting because they were unable to stand his erratic mood swings. Herb would disappear for days or weeks on end. Julie never asked or checked where he went, she was just relieved that he wasn't around.

Julie finally allowed the police to search her home and the entire premises when Herb was gone. After an inspection of the gravel along the grass and in Baumeister’s backyard, they realized it was not gravel. It was charred, crushed up bones. Forensics confirmed that they were human. The bodies were found with, hand cuffs, clothing, and shotgun shells.

Over 5,500 bone fragments and teeth were recovered from the site. It was believed they belonged to a total of 11 men, however, only 8 were eventually identified:

John Lee Bayer, age 20
Richard Douglas Hamilton, age 20
Steven S. Hale, age 26
Allen Wayne Broussard, age 28
Jeffrey A Jones, age 31
Manuel Resendez, age 31
Roger Allen Goodlet, age 33
Michael Frederick Kiern, age 46

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THE AFTERMATH - THE HAUNTINGS OF FOX HOLLOW

The current homeowner, Rob Graves, stated that the death toll was somewhere at 17 to 20 young men and boys buried or burned on he property. He said he finds remains all the time, and that the home is active with spirits and angry souls.

Things happen here that you can’t explain,” said Graves. On YouTube you can find clips from a variety of paranormal that Graves has allowed to investigate the property.

Graves’ wife Vicki and other family friends have reported seeing a young man in a red shirt, only visible from the hem up, “running” away from the house and towards the woods. The man disappears once sighted.

Guests in the apartment on the property claim that the knocker on the front door becomes hot and bangs violently by itself.  A family friend staying in the apartment claims to have seen a full-body apparition of a young man running from the apartment. 

He also appeared to be running for his life.

MY DAD BEAT JOHN WAYNE GACY AT POOL

Yes. It's true. One month before John Wayne Gacy's crawlspace cemetery was revealed my dad played a couple rounds of pool with him at a business party in the Chicago area in November 1978.

My mother was 9 months pregnant with my brother and she was feeling miserable because my dad made her go with. She sat off to the side watching my dad play and Gacy gave her the creeps. Maybe he was attracted to my dad?  He was young, good looking and was the man's man John Wayne type. 

Not actual photo of my dad 

My dad told me Gacy was a fat-ass loudmouth.  Basically the scene was two men trying to impress each other. Gacy went on and on about his credentials, his businesses his political connections. He bragged that he knew the first lady Rosalynn Carter. He knew everything and everyone in town. After my dad whipped him in pool he walked off to get another beer and that was the last of the evening. 

One month later, my parents were watching the news and Gacy's picture was splashed all over the screen. 

THAT'S THE GUY FROM THE PARTY!

THE INVISIBLE SEX CRIMES

When I was a sophomore in college I went to my hometown for the weekend to see my parents. I went to see my dad first and afterwards I headed over to my mom's. It was midnight and there were no other drivers on the road. Except for the car following closely behind me.

The driver came around to my passenger side keeping a steady pace alongside me. I did not want to look over. I was scared. It was a man laughing and flashing his genitals and buttocks at me. My little Ford Escort went from 30 mph to 60 mph. I was suddenly in the Indy 500, swerving, mastering the sharp turns, up and down every side street and main road. No matter how fast I drove, he kept up, trying to follow me home.

After approximately 15 minutes of the cat and mouse game, I finally lost him. I was free and almost home. My vision was clouded with the images of this creep. I replayed the entire incident in my head all night. I didn’t call 911. I just wanted to go to sleep and go back to school.

The next weekend was Easter. For the second time that month, I was in my hometown again, shuttling between my parents for the holiday.  It was midnight. I was on the same road as last week. It was desolate. Everything I experienced before was there again. I sensed him a mile away. I was prepared for him this time.

I saw headlights in my mirror and a red truck riding my ass. It was him. He was driving a different car but he didn’t fool me. He proceeded to drive along next to me and repeated his act. I wasn’t scared. I was angry. I said to myself, “Dude, you have messed with the wrong girl.” I grabbed a pen and wrote down his license plate number.

I endured the same high speed wild goose chase, and managed to lose him again. As soon as I got home I called 911 and reported the incident, gave them his license number and the general direction he was headed when I last saw him.

Two hours later, the phone rang. The police called to inform me that they arrested this guy. His name was Ronnie Lonhardt and he was 35. In order to press charges, I had to go downtown to write up a report and identify him. To this day, I’ve never forgotten his face, and my memory didn’t fail me that night either.

He was charged with a DUI and an additional charge for “lewd and lascivious” behavior. Turns out he confessed to police that he had been doing this to dozens women that month alone. Go figure.

Note: After a criminal records check, he pleaded down to four separate “Disorderly Conduct” charges. Two were dismissed at the request of the prosecutor, and the other two were forfeited. Thanks Racine County Prosecutors.

For years I had issues with driving at night. I was fixated with who was behind me, and I never looked at the person to my side out of fear. I carried a knife. Was I paranoid or justified in my fears?

AN EVERYDAY OCCURRENCE

Exhibitionism. Voyeurism. Groping. Frotteurism. Many women have experienced any one of these crimes at some time in their lives. Most offenders will get away. I did not let my offender get away. In my mind, I believed I might have averted another sex crime.

What are “invisible sex crimes”? These particular offenses are the most under-reported sex assaults. Why? Because it happens when you least expect it. Did you see his face? You can’t remember because it happened so fast and you were in shock and embarrassed. What do you say or do? By the time you figure out what is going on, they are dust in the wind. These acts against women happen everyday.

GROPING 

Groping is a form of sexual assault. It can be unwanted pinching or grabbing. The groper targets the breasts, legs, buttocks and groin area. Groping is likely to happen in such places like crowded bars or parties, concerts, subways, sporting events and elevators. The predator is less likely to be detected and has the ability to flee before the victim realizes what happened.

ANGRY VOICES

"I went to a music festival in a big park last year, and people had crowded together to see the headliner. It was dark except for the streetlight and stage lights up ahead, and I was encircled by young men. One or more of them kept subtly touching me inappropriately. I tried to squirm my way out to another location, but there just was no room to squeeze through. I had to endure the harassment for the whole show.” (Anonymous post, Wiesen, 2003-2012 Conjecture Corporation, “What is Groping?”)

“I had the misfortune of getting groped while exiting a crowded elevator and I was more mad than anything. It is such a violation of your personal space and I hate knowing there are so many perverts out there that can get away with things like that just because there are so many people around.” (Id.)

FROTTEURISM

Frotteurism is the act of rubbing the hand(s) or erect genitals against another person in a non-consensual manner in order for sexual gratification. Like groping, this act is done in public where the victim cannot easily respond to their attacker.

Studies have concluded that the average age of a “frotteur” is between 15-25, beginning at puberty and decreasing after 25. (PsychNet, 1998.) It was also noted that “older men with shy and reserved personalities or who are withdrawn socially” are common frotteurs. (Id.)

I have been a victim of many frotteurs in my day. When it happened, I became enraged. There have been times where I have grabbed the guy and screamed out to everyone within earshot what just happened. Slapping, punching, pushing…nothing was ever out of the question for me. I wasn’t going down without a fight.

However, in each situation I was the ultimate loser. What the hell just happened? Where am I going to find this guy? I didn’t know who he was, I don’t remember what he was wearing. I was shocked, angered, and out of control. What did he look like?

I don’t know. He looked like them all. They all look alike.

VOYEURISM

These offenders are formerly known as “peeping Toms”. But times, they are a changin’. With the advent of cameras, electronics, and other digital technology, voyeurism is out in full force.

This is the only sex crime where the offender doesn’t need to have direct contact with his victim. His crimes do not occur in public. A voyeur doesn’t need to stand in front of your window with binoculars. He won’t have any witnesses to his crime because he is safely sitting behind his computer, sometimes watching multiple women at once. 

Voyeurism is one of the hardest sex crimes to prosecute because of the predator’s elusiveness and ability of non-detection.

DEGENERATE GUYS I WENT TO LAW SCHOOL WITH

After I graduated college in 1996 I took the LSAT (twice) and moved to Indianapolis for law school in 1997.  The experience pretty much sucked and my tuition was double that of my peers because I was an out-of-state resident from Wisconsin.  I knew that I'd be paying off student loans until death.  So I left after the first year.  Not all lawyers make the big bucks.  I wanted to be a prosecutor.  They aren't known to have huge salaries.  Nevertheless, I made a lot of friends who I am still in contact with today.  Little did we all know that some of these "friends" were about to be the biggest scumbags of the Class of 2000.

BRUCE DAVIDSON 

Bruce was older than the rest of us. He used to be a cop in Elkhart, Indiana and a former President of the Fraternal Order of Police.  He never mentioned that he was fired from the department for some shady things.  He was the perfect picture of a sociopath who walks among us.  He's the guy you'd never think was suspect. He was outgoing and easy to get along with. No red flags at that time.  Bruce ended up having a secret life that no one knew about. 

In 2004 Bruce became a serial bank robber and was on the FBIs most wanted list.

He was wanted for a series of bank robberies which were committed in 2004 and 2005 in Illinois, Indiana, Kentucky, Missouri, Maryland, Iowa, and Tennessee. He would enter the bank alone and present the teller with a note demanding money.  In several of the robberies, he walked into the bank carrying a black motorcycle helmet and threatened to use a firearm. A federal arrest warrant was issued June 17, 2005. Source

Bruce was hiding out in Arizona when the Feds found him.  He received 216 months (18 years) for all of the bank robberies and an 84 month (7 years) sentence for brandishing a firearm, which must be served consecutive to the robbery sentence. Source

He's sitting in federal prison as I type...

SCOT O'FARRELL

Scot O'Farrell was another degenerate in my class.  From day one he was a pompous, narcissistic, polo wearing preppy snob. He also thought he was God's gift to all the women in our section. There was a rumor that he was fooling around with a couple of girls in our class and and one of them was married.  After our first semester finals he bragged about his GPA..that he was #1. He made my skin crawl.  Smarmy is the best word I can describe.

Soon after graduation he was online trying to lure girls for sex. He set up a date with a man in Florida who was willing to prostitute his daughter for him. Scot made the trek from Indianapolis to Florida and upon his arrival was greeted by police. The "dad" he was talking to was an undercover cop.  How messed up in the head is this guy? 

After serving his sentence he is still living in Florida. Here's the kicker:  He's a COO for an arena football team called The Orlando Predators. He was also listed as the owner of a company called Scot O'Farrell Lawn Care. He must register as a sex offender everywhere he moves for the rest of his life. 

The moral of the story: Highly educated professional men can be predators too.

BACK IN THE SADDLE?

Do you know the feeling you get when you are freezing and step into a warm bath? It's like the old commercial "Calgon! Take me away!" For a few minutes you are pleasantly comatose. No thoughts. Just the feeling of warm energy oozing through your body.

I haven't written in 9 years. It wasn't that I was too busy or got lazy. My true crime blog, Michelle Says So was over. I was writing about other people's pain non stop for 8 years. It became too stressful with negativity...everyday was about murder, rape, domestic abuse, human trafficking, boycotting Aruba and the Natalee Holloway disappearance among others. I didn't have it my soul anymore. I felt empty. I had nothing more to give.

Now here I am. At the precipice of a new journey. In the last 9 years I've grown and matured and I look at things differently. I have more ideas. More storytelling to share. Thanks to all my friends for your support!

The Black Mamba

a/k/a Michelle Says So

WORKPLACE SEXUAL HARASSMENT - BAD FOR BUSINESS

In the spring of 2001 I was downsized in a mass layoff.  It just so happened that my mother was working for an environmental firm in the same business complex.  She suggested I send my resume to her because she was the President’s executive assistant.  I got the job and the president of the company Terry treated me with professional respect, marveled over my resume, and promised that if I had the drive, I would go very far in this company.  I was thrilled.

 

The harassment started out small.  First there were emails that read, “So, do you want to play?”  I said “play what?”  I deleted the email and shrugged it off.  Back in that day, I would laugh off that behavior because that was my only recourse.  I couldn’t believe those messages meant anything serious.  Terry was a married man with five children!  I was so naïve and it took many incidents before I realized what was going on.

 

I was with the company for a few months when I was invited to an out-of-town environmental seminar and everyone would stay in a hotel.  I roomed with the company’s attorney, Catherine.  The morning we were leaving the hotel phone rang.  Catherine picked it up and handed me the receiver.  I had no idea who it was.  Surprisingly, it was Terry.  He told me that his wife forgot to pack his toothpaste and asked if I would bring mine down to his room.  I asked him, “Why don’t you get some from the front desk or have them bring it to you?”  He insisted that I come down immediately, and I did what I was told.  He was my boss.

 

When he opened up his door, he was standing there completely wet wearing only a towel.  I handed him the toothpaste and backed up several feet.  He said, “Do you want to come in?”  I stated, “No.”  He looked at me as if I was crazy and said, “Oh jeez…I’m not going to do anything to you!  Don’t be stupid…”

 

Terry told me to sit down and relax.  I sat down, but I was not relaxed.  He pulled out a joint and handed it to me saying, “Here, smoke some of this since you’re so uptight.”  I was floored!  Not only was my boss smoking weed in front of me, but he offered me some as well!  I told him no.  He said, “Oh, come on…who am I going to tell?  Your mom?”

 

He started to dress in front of me, while I turned my head.  I was sick to my stomach. After about 40 minutes, he finally used my toothpaste and returned it to me.  I was free to leave.  I ran up the stairs not knowing what I was going to say to Catherine.  I walked in the door and she looked at me as if I had done something wrong and said, “Why in the hell were you down there for that long?”  I didn’t tell her anything.  I was new and I didn’t want to rock the boat or start drama. I was scared of the consequences if I told her about Terry and what he did. Instead I just explained to her that I gave him the toothpaste and he had me sitting there waiting for him.  I didn’t tell her that he was only wearing a towel and dressed in front of me.  I didn’t tell her that he was smoking a joint and offered me some.  I don’t know why I felt I needed to protect him for his actions, but I did and kept my mouth shut.

 

Terry began to constantly call me into his office telling me to bring a pad and pen.  When I showed up I was always ordered to close the door behind me.  He explained that he wanted me to take notes about where I was heading in the company.  He threw out all these fantastic titles, and what kind of work I could do.  He basically told me that I had free reign of my position and he would even let me make up my own responsibilities.

 

Terry pushed papers towards his pencil holder until they fell in front of his desk.  I bent down and picked them up.  I was so naïve, I had no clue what he was doing until I noticed him smirking and laughing to himself…as if he was so clever.  When I left his office he said, “Turn around.”  I asked, “Why?” He said, “I want to use you as a fantasy for when I have sex with my wife.”  I was disgusted.  To save face he replied, “I’m just kidding girl!  Don’t you dare tell your mother about this.”

 

Soon after that incident, Terry’s wife kicked him out of their house.  Lord knows what for.  He was living at the Extended Stay Hotel down the street from the office.  Early on a Friday night, he called my cell phone and stated that he needed some important papers delivered to him at his hotel.  No one else was available to do it so I went back to work, retrieved the papers and drove to the hotel with the intention of leaving them at the front desk. When I walked in he was waiting for me in the lobby. He told me to come with him to his room so he could make sure I brought everything he needed.  I was so pissed and angry, but I couldn’t tell him no because he was my boss.  I was afraid.

 

We walked into his room and threw the papers to the side. He removed his shirt and sprawled out on the bed and asked me to sit down.  He asked me to sit with him on the bed and I said no.  He begged like a little boy to cuddle with him.  He said he was lonely after his wife kicked him out.  I sat on the edge of the bed and couldn’t look him in the eye.  He asked me to give him a massage.  I thought, “Are you kidding me!?”  I kindly told him no because he was my boss and it wasn’t a good idea.  He started crying.  I don’t know if they were crocodile tears in order to get me to stay, but the act didn’t work.  I said goodbye and left.

 

My employment changed on Monday when I came back into work.  The minute I walked through the front door, I was summoned to Terry’s office.  When I walked in, the Vice President of Operations was standing there.  Terry cut right to the chase, “Michelle, people are starting to get jealous of our working relationship, so you will no longer be working with me.  Don’t knock on my door, don’t come to me with any problems, just don’t.  Tim is your new supervisor and if you have problems, go to him.” Mind you, this is nearly 20 years before the #MeToo movement.

 

I was so relieved that I didn’t have to work with Terry anymore, but the phrase he used, “people are starting to get jealous…” really stuck in my head.  A few days later, my mom was “let go” for no apparent reason.  Maybe it was because Terry was scared that I would tell my mom what he was doing?  And who knows what their in-house attorney Catherine was saying.  Maybe she advised it? I no longer worked on the projects that I had been slaving over.  I was given a desk in the back of the office with a partition in front of me.  I could see no one, and no one could see me.  I sat at my desk with absolutely nothing to do.  I had literally been stripped of everything I had worked for.

 

Soon after that I was sent to a new location.  It was a storage room where they kept junk and there was one desk.  I was ordered that I had to keep the solid metal door shut at all times.  I was not allowed to prop the door open.  I was not allowed to converse with any of my co-workers.  When I did leave my office, I was shunned by every female employee, and snickered at by every male co-worker.  I was written up for situations where I did absolutely nothing wrong.  I had never been treated in such a negative manner.

 

I was in a male dominated company and all the men harassed me after this.  I was screamed at by a co-worker telling me to quit, go home to my husband and “put some babies in my stomach.”  Other guys walked around with pornography and showed it to me waiting for my reaction.  Everyone believed that I was screwing the boss. My naivety had morphed into rage.  I went to the woman in HR and explained what was going on.  It was humiliating having to describe what was happening.  I thought that since she was a woman, she would take me seriously.  Instead she stared at me in disbelief.  She treated me as if I was a liar and I was there to start trouble.  I was sorely mistaken when I thought it would be easier to talk to a woman.  She shamed me and told me to get back to work.  Nothing was going to change.  I finally gathered up the courage to tell my mom everything that happened right under her nose.  She was livid.  She felt guilty for suggesting that I come and work for these degenerates.

 

I decided to contact a female attorney who specialized in sexual harassment.  What a waste of time.  She told me that if I went through and filed suit, it would be my word against Terry’s.  He had unlimited funds to hire the best attorneys and I had no money.  She said that they would dig into my personal life and sexual history, just like a rape victim.  She discouraged me from doing anything about it.  I don’t know if anything she said was true, but she became condescending as if she didn’t believe me.  

 

I resigned from Lee & Ryan and had my chance to give that HR bitch my final thoughts.  I wrote in detail what I endured during my tenure.  I was not nice.  I did not mince words.  I was belligerent.  I wanted to make sure this was looked at not just by HR but Terry, my other supervisors, co-workers and the in-house attorney Catherine.  I unleashed my rage.  All professionalism was out the door.  I didn’t care.  I was proud of myself for standing up and having the last word.  Terry, former president of Lee & Ryan Environmental is a predator and a bad person.  I hope someone googles him and sees this article.  Not only did I have the last word, but I had the last laugh.